Do you want to know how to stop watching porn and what happens when you quit porn? In today’s society, pornography has become more accessible than ever before. With just a few clicks, one can find themselves immersed in a world of sexual content.
While many may view pornography as harmless entertainment, it has been found to have detrimental effects on individuals and relationships. Pornography addiction, in particular, is a growing concern as it negatively impacts a person’s ability to have healthy relationships and enjoy life.
What is porn addiction
Porn addiction is when a person has an unhealthy need to continually see, read or hear about pornography in order to help them feel better about themselves. Like other addictions, it would negatively affect relationships and cause tension in one’s work space because of constantly fantasizing about it and working out what the next thrill might be. There are 3 basic building blocks that contribute to porn addiction. These include: sexual fantasizing, the use of porn in all of its different forms, and then masturbation.
Unfortunately, if we consider porn from a Biblical perspective: it violates the marriage bed because images and sexual scripts will often affect one’s marriage, and the expectations one has for sex. One could say that it breaks Covenant, that is the basic foundation of a Godly marriage.
Some other effects of Pornography include people losing their capacity to enjoy the gifts and talents that God has given them. Porn hijacks what would be a beautiful expression of these gifts and longings. This often renders the addict unable to enjoy life and have a meaningful, enduring and lasting impact in life.
Why is porn addictive
While pornography addiction is not listed as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV), there is no doubt that it will be included in the near future. Pornography becomes addictive for a number of reasons, of which I will only consider 2.
Whenever anyone experiences orgasm, research shows that the hormones oxytocin in women and vassopressin in men, are released. These 2 hormones are attachment hormones, and are extremely powerful. The problem is that these attachment hormones are terrible discerners of what is a healthy attachment.
Because most experiences of pornography include masturbation, attachment occurs. To what you may ask? Well it’s reaching orgasm with, and therefore attaching to the fantasies, visual images, writing, or people that are fulfilling the sexual act. So, the endocrine system causes the release of these hormones which strongly affects the way people see themselves and other people.
The second point I want to make is that most people watching porn are using it to cover pain, anxiety or overwhelming feelings. Because masturbation releases many different feel-good hormones and attachments, it becomes a perceived, ‘helpful’ tool to evade these negative overwhelming feelings. For many people we have been raised in circumstances that have not helped us to name our emotions, claim them as our own, tame them (because we can), and then aim them for a positive outcome.
People’s vulnerable feelings often make them fearful, and they would rather not face them. Knowing that God has made us to overcome these feelings, instead of watching porn and masturbating can break the unhealthy cycles.
How is it similar to drug addiction
All addictions follow the same system: ‘unhealthy beliefs’, which in turn cause ‘impaired thinking’. These impaired thoughts then cause the addict to go down the addiction cycle (I will flesh this out later), which causes un-manageability of emotions and pornography, like other drugs, can be used to soothe oneself. Obviously, this counterfeit self soothing is not long-lasting.
When we consider the addiction cycle (that is part of the addiction system, above), it starts with a ‘trigger’, then it becomes a feeling of ‘disequilibrium’ (people feel ‘antsy’) and ‘pre-occupation’. Basically, in this part of the cycle, the ‘bad feeling’ causing the person to start fantasizing on a quick form of relief. This phase of the addiction cycle tends to be governed by adrenaline.
The next stage in the addiction cycle is the ‘rationalisation’ and ‘ritualisation’ stage. This is when the addict decides that he/she can take the drug, or watch porn, because ‘it really won’t make me feel bad’, or ‘this will be the last time’. Once the individual has believed in these irrational thoughts, he/she will find themselves ritualisation the whole process – finding themselves going down the same ‘rabbit hole’, believing it is healthy. This phase of the cycle governed by endorphins – hormones that make one ‘feel good’, and invincible.
The cycle then ends with acting out – taking a drug, alcoholic drink, or watching porn etc. Because the feelings of invincibility are driving this behaviour, one finds the addict getting consumed by the behaviour, sometimes for hours, without realising that they are compromising themselves or others. This phase ends with the release of oxytocin in women and vasopressin in men – the attachment hormones.
Once the acting out is over, the addict will end up feeling despair as the reality of the foolish behaviour sets in. Unfortunately, this can then become a trigger.
What has this got to do with porn, you may ask? Porn engages the sexual cycle which includes; ‘desire’, ‘excitement’, ‘plateau’, ‘orgasm’ and then ‘resolution’. Interestingly, the exact same hormones released in the different phases of the addiction cycle, are the ones released in the same order each one of the sexual cycle stages: adrenaline during excitement; endorphins during plateau, and then oxytocin and vasopressin during orgasm.
This addiction system and cycle and their hormonal releases are knitted together, hence porn addiction is very similar to, and maybe more powerful, than any other addiction.
What happens when you stop watching porn?
When people stop viewing porn, they tend to find themselves being able to focus on healthy activities and developing their gifts and talents in a healthy way that includes loving themselves and others, as God intended. The ‘Longings of the Human Heart’ (‘Intimacy without shame’; ‘joy’; ‘wholeheartedness’; ‘beauty’, ‘greatness’, ‘enjoyment’ and a ‘deep lasting impact’) can be re-established, with God at the centre, and not the addiction which has become an idol.
Each of these longings, fulfilled in God’s way brings life and freedom. They celebrate what God has made in healthy ways again.
Obviously, where there is a married couple, the longings can be used to enjoy marriage and sex again, that has often been perverted by pornography.
Erectile dysfunction has now been linked to men consuming inordinate amounts of pornography, so giving it up, will likely give a man the capacity to get and maintain an erection for longer. This physiological restoration could take some time though.
How to stop watching porn
There are many ways for people to stop porn, but in my experience, the most effective way for people to kick the need for porn, is to firstly address the lies that they are believing. These lies are normally linked to childhood hurts, that have kept their souls and spirits locked up in a place of pain. These hurts cause one to believe a lie about God, themselves, and others.
Finding the lie like ‘I am not worthy to be noticed’, can then be confronted, and the accompanying thoughts, emotions and behaviours can then be changed to reflect God’s truths. This can be a long process depending on the person’s willingness to authentically face these lies and choose healthier, thoughts, emotions and behaviours based on truth.
Very practically, addicts need to deal with the ‘Triple A Engine’ that makes porn such a problem, it includes: ‘Accessibility, Affordability and Anonymity’. Being practical in placing technological devices in social environments in one’s home, can deal with the accessibility and anonymity. Having to pay for spyware to block porn, is also a way for an addict to realise the cost.
Finally the acronym HALT has been helpful to many. This is being self aware concerning our Hunger, Anger, Loneliness and Tiredness. When these 4 issues converge (it doesn’t have to include all four), they create a vulnerability that will cause people to be easily triggered to watch porn.
